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Monday, 29 August 2011

End of an era.

I think this is my longest gap between blogging but its been an eventful month.
Before we left for KCI & DINAS I went to see my Nan in the care home she has called home for the last year. I wasn't planning on it but Mum needed to drop her some lip cream in, and as she is not driving I took her. It was probably one of the most shocking experiences of my life to date. To see my Nan looking so frail, and distressed was not something I would wish on anyone. I broke down I have to admit. My heart broke and I felt physically sick. It was obvious that she was closing down, and Mum told me to still go away as it was our agility holiday and she may last for weeks yet. Thats the sad thing, and although I am not going to turn my Blog into a debate about legal human euthanasia, if there ever was a time it was needed was then. I would never let any of my dogs suffer that way. 
My brother left Norwich to come to Devon to see her on the day we left to head to KCI, and he did an amazing job of supporting Mum, and comforting Nan, getting her all the best care in the world until she passed away on the 13th August. He was the one to ring and tell me, and she died peacefully aged 93.
Our agility holiday was obviously subdued, but I knew that Nan was now in a much better place, reunited with her Husband & youngest Daughter, and there was nothing else to do now so I tried to concentrate on my dogs. Lily & I had some clears, including an 11th in Agility. Olli had a few places to finish his stint in grade 5, Twiggy had some nearly runs and then ended the week with 2 clears, one being a 16th place in agility!!!!  Fern & Cove were on usual form and managed to get some top places including a 2nd at KCI, which is incredible as they are only just in grade 3, and a 3rd & 5th at DINAS and qualified for the final on Sunday! 
Sharon & Chris came to DINAS for a couple of days, and I was thrilled that they managed to see Twiggy get one of her clear rounds :-) There were a lot of highs, some fab ones when our great mate Lolly got 2 3rd place trophies and ended up 3rd in the final on Sunday!!! Lots of tears. Also when we won £133 on the Bingo, and Claire got so drunk she staggered home and threw up on her clothes :-)) Great times, and it was lovely to be surrounded by good friends and Rog & Fern and the dogs, at a time like that. I love my family so much and am very lucky to have them.

Spending time with the Rog, Fern and the dogs and relaxing really helped me have time to think about all the time spent with Nan and Grandad when I was growing up. We had some real giggles, lovely holidays by the sea, and nothing was ever too much trouble. I was spoilt and I will never forget a single moment. 
Fern, Nathan, Neil, Me & Rog :-)
Nans funeral was a celebration of her life, not a sad affair but a happy time to remember all those moments we all cherish. A piece of me is missing now, but life is like that. Little bits get taken all the time, if you are lucky enough to love. If you never want to experience pain and hurt then dont ever allow yourself to love anyone or anything. That would be a lot easier, but an empty life. Below is a poem I wrote and read out at Nans funeral. I am sure there are a lot of Nans, Grandmas, that this relates too. Life goes on and I am going to enjoy every minute of it, and suffer the pain of losing people or dogs I love because as the saying goes "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

My Nan & Grandad so in love. x

Its good here innit?

What do you fancy to drink?
Sit down and put up your feet
I have a fridge, freezer and cupboard full,
What do you fancy to eat?

Have a good look in my wardrobe
My drawers, see what you can see
If there's something that takes your fancy
You have it, anything, feel free.

Have you enough money, clothes, shoes?
Plants and shrubs, small or large
Anything I have, anything you like
Just say and it's yours, no charge.

"it's good here innit?" you'd always say
Those words still ring in my ears
Yes it was Nan, the best place ever
We won't lose those memories in our tears

You gave us everything you had, always
But much more than all the above
For all of us in your family
You gave unconditional love. X

My Mum, Brother, Nephew & Fern :-)


Helen said...

Makes me think of both my Grans and Grandads thast poem. It's lovely Hx

Lel said...

I don't know whether to smile or cry, I'm half doing both.
Congratulations to you and Fern on your many successes, I'm sure your Nan would be extremely proud of you both. I like to think mine's up there having a chuckle at us crazy doggy people as well as cheering us on. x

Kirsty said...

So sorry you lost your lovely nan, what wonderful memories, she sounds very special. xxx